If you go down to the woods today…

If you’ve ever lived in the country then you’ve probably never been far from a haunted wood/church/area of some sort. Living in Truro was no exception. Baldhu is a church a little outside of Truro, Cornwall. It was apparently closed down for facing the wrong way on the lay lines and has become a site of devil worship, apparently. This has inevitably led to it becoming a bit of an attraction for the local looking to scare himself shitless when drunk or high.

Neil the Tank goes mental to metal

I’ve known Neil for about 2 years now on a professional level and I have to say that he is one of the best coppers I know, coupled with the fact that he’s a really nice guy, very sharp and funny and one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. Which all goes right down the shitter when he’s drunk at a metal gig.

Selected sex stories (Number 2)

When I first started my police training I had a girlfriend and was faithful to her, which is very strange for me, but I liked her a lot, so stayed monogamous whilst I began my training.

After about a month, for one reason or another, we broke up. This was a common occurrence at Hendon and by this time most of my fellow trainees had become single.

In our intake we had about 130 people, most of whom were around my age and a fair proportion of these were, [and probably still are] girls.

Every night me and my mates from class went to the local pub to get hammered and on one such occasion I noticed a girl who I had seen around Hendon. I started to talk to her and almost immediately she told me that she wasn’t going to sleep with me in a really, really Welsh accent. Which was nice of her. I think I just walked off without saying anything else.

About half an hour later I was chatting to another girl when Welsh girl came over to me and send that me and her were leaving. I looked at her then looked at the girl I was currently talking to, finished my drink and then walked out with Welsh girl.

On the walk back to halls we fooled around a bit and she told me on 3 more occasions that she wasn’t going to sleep with me. [I hear this a lot from girls, it’s like a green light that they want to fuck and also makes me go in for the kill harder, it’s always quite funny the next morning when they say “oh, but I don’t normally do one night stands!” and I come back with, “Well you do now, you slut, get out”]

We get back to my room and as we’re getting down to it she once more tells me that she won’t sleep with me. She then whips off my jeans and boxers and promptly starts sucking my dick. Ten minutes later she was naked and I’m fucking her doggystle.

This goes on for however long with the sex being particularly aggressive from both parties. Anyway it ends and I get up and go and look at myself in the mirror.

When I return to the bed Welsh girl is sat on the end of it, her head titled back and her hand holding her nose.

Me: What’s happened?

Welsh girl tips her head forward and takes her hand away from her nose and blood pisses everywhere. She then says in her really, really Welsh accent:

“You banged me so hard you gave me a nosebleed!”

I start laughing a lot and roll around on the floor trying not to wet myself. I look up and she’s looking all forlorn.

Welsh girl: You won’t tell anyone about this will you?

What would you do?

***

The next day at lunch Welsh girl comes up to me and punches me in my arm, calls me a cunt and says that she will never talk to me again.

 

All words by G.

 

Selected sex stories (Number 1)

I have from time to time had some funny sex.

This is the first recollection.

The Idiotic Public

A quick story about how stupid the public are.